{ cruise control thoughts }

Driving down the 57 freeway (no traffic), my son sitting quietly in his car seat, and Pandora is hitting all the good songs. [peace] Now I can just think...

- Personal power. Everyone has it. No one can take it away, it can only be given away. (random) Where do I give mine away?.... when I let others rule my emotions.

- Pet Peeve: I can't stand when the first thing someone says about some other person is the worst thing (if what they're actually saying is even true) that the other person has ever done. First of all, some of the things I've heard about other people I wish I never even knew because A) it's not even my business and B) honestly, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when I see them in person. Second, I don't believe people are defined by their mistakes. Everyone has done something they're not proud of. (yes, everyone!) What matters is what a person is doing with their life now and where their heart is now. Third, if your the type to go out of your way to confess the sins of others by saying something like that about someone else, I wonder what others are saying about you???

- Ugh. Wish my husband didn't have to work tonight. It's Sunday. He should be with us. His work is burning him out and I hate seeing him like this. When he gets stressed, I get stressed. (and vice verse) So let's balance this out before someone has an 'anxiety attack' or 'angry outburst' haha...no, really.

- [listening to some song (don't even remember what song) that got me thinking about that time and I almost started crying] AH! I am way too emotional! haha Sometimes I get frustrated at Saf because of his 'emotional retardation' (ya, that's my best way to describe it) and I wish he expressed his emotions just a little more thoroughly. Then I imagined what that wish would be like... (out of no where this scenario just came to mind. don't laugh) We're in the delivery room and I just popped out our brand new baby girl (again, no -not prego. i just fantasize about having a girl next) The doc places her on my chest and I start bawling because I'm over joyed that I have my little girl. Then after Saf confirms it's a girl he starts bawling too (the type of bawling where you can't even breath because your snot-boogers are running down uncontrollably so you're forced to close your mouth and make grunting and wheezing noises) because it's a girl! (and not another boy) CRAP! We're both bawling and neither of us can even see or breath! Whose going to take care of baby now? Eh. I don't think I could handle someone who cried more than me. Over-emotional human + emotionally-retarded human = emotionally balanced. We balance each other out. And that is that.

- I miss my Grama Barlow. I wonder what it would be like if she was here right now. I miss going riding with her. I miss our talks. I miss our entire relationship.

[baby starts getting restless and crying - thoughts interrupted]

"Almost there baby."