{ let go }

I've realized that sometimes it's easier to just let go of things instead of carrying the heavy burden of them. You will never progress forward if you're always looking back at the things you cannot change.

I use to believe that by 'letting go' of anger, bitterness, or fear when someone has wronged me, I'd be allowing the other person to win (or letting them think what they did was OK) -but it reality, I'm just letting them carry the burden of their own mistakes and giving myself the power to be happy.

So, breathing deep and letting go...

{ blood, guts, & glory }

This last Friday Saf surprised my son and I with a day off and a trip O.C. Fair and rodeo! I can't even remember the last Friday night I spend with my husband, so this night was as rare as my husband cooks or cleans the kitchen.

Safi boy's favorite part was seeing all the farm animals. When I wasn't looking he tried to run inside the cow's pen and jump over the fence to get to the baby goats. Yes, this kid has no fear! And it wouldn't be a real trip to the fair with out getting some bbq'ed meat and deep fried twinkies and Klondike ice-cream.

 baby chickies.

This was before he tried to climb in with the baby goats.

 Deep-fried Klondike bar. OMF! (oh my fatness)

Rodeo baby!

The rodeo was by far the highlight of the night. I remember back in the day going to the Alpine Days Rodeo (Alpine is where my dad is originally from) with my grandparents. (for me, this was like going to Disneyland-ya, I was a dork! lol) When I was 9 my dream was to be the Rodeo Queen....problem was I didn't live in Alpine and I didn't have my own horse; talk about a crushed dream!

While we were sitting in the stands watching the rodeo clowns chase a bull around the arena while trying to grab the ribbon tried to a it's horns-it brought back fond memories of my own rodeo experience. When I was 11 my grandparents took my sis, Syd, and I to the rodeo. One of the games they had for the kids was they tied a $5 bill to a steer's tail and whoever was able to snag the bill off the tail got to keep it. (looking back -why did I do that for five bucks?! That was at least worth a $50 lol) So the announcer called all the girls in my age group to the arena who wanted to try. Being the tom-boy that I was, I was up in the front of the line of screaming girls ready to chase this thing! They let the steer go, and the stampede of girls followed. While all the girls chased the steer in circles around the outer edge of the arena, I waited on the side for the steer to come to me. (i thought i was smart lol) As soon as it was about to pass me a grabbed the end of it's tail for dear life! The flippin' beast was running so fast I was half-way running and half-way being dragged along the arena fence! But I wasn't about to let go- I had a death-grip on that tail with my left hand while my right hand tried to grab the money (OH YA-which was tied to the top of the tail near the buttocks and manure. i must have thought that $5 was pure gold or something because it wasn't that serious! ) I could feel myself begin to tumble so I closed my eyes and made one quick grab- aaaaand I missed it!

While I was standing in the middle of the arena and trying to catch my breathe-I felt something running down my arm. Before I even looked down I heard a girl screaming, "YOUR ARM! ...IT'S BLEEDING!" I looked down and almost wet my pants when I saw how much blood was rushing down my arm and the huge gash in it! lol (it must have got cut sometime while I was getting dragged against the fence) This girl insisted I go to the ambulence right away -it must have looked way worse than how it felt -because I didn't even feel it. All I was worried about was trying to get the $5! (i couldn't loose!) Once the announcer saw my arm they called the whole thing off and took my to the ambulence. (i was so mad walking out empty handed) I still remember walking through the group of boys (who were the next to go) and seeing some leave once they saw my arm. lol (sissys!)

I ended up having to go to the hospital and get 9 stictches (inside my arm, it was that deep) and 13 on top. My Grama was scared my mom wasn't going to let me come back to visit them because every time I did -I always got hurt. 

I still can't believe I (now) got this fat scar for a measly  $5 bill...let alone, for free because I didn't even end up getting that! ....way to end my blood, guts, and glory story  -NOT!

...and here's my blood, guts, and (not) glory scar today

{ too much }

This morning was hectic.

wake up early.

prepare my lesson (that I was too tired to do the night before, yet days before).

get ready.

feed baby.

make fruit salad for our ward's linger longer.

make my husband some lunch so he has something to eat when he gets off work.

get baby ready.

...all before I leave to church.

After making two trips up and down the stairs of our apartment just to get everything, including my son, into the car I thought to myself, "It would be so much easier if I just skipped sacrament and Sunday school and just made it to Young Women...I mean, I have an excuse: no husband (equals less helping hands) and a crazy kid that cannot be contained for long periods of time." I brushed off the thought before it turned into an action, put my son in his car seat, and we left for church. (surprisingly not running too late but already drained and my day had just begun)

As I was walking through the parking lot towards our building I had my 30+ lbs son in one arm, a humongous glass bowl of fruit salad in the other arm, and the heavy as diaper bag on my shoulder all while trying not to fall on my face and drop the bowl of fruit while my heels were getting stuck in every flippin' hole in the asphalt. But falling on my face or dropping the fruit salad wasn't my biggest problem, how was I going to open the door to get inside? With out even putting anything down I pulled some super-woman moves and got through the doors successfully. phew! ...On to the next challenge-sacrament meeting.

Before walking into Sacrament I tried not to be bitter at the fact that my husband had to miss church again because of his work schedule. He's my extra set of hands. I was already exhausted and I felt too much was being asked of me.(yes, I was being a little over-dramatic) I walked into the overflow (my son is too crazy to even try and sit in the pews) I felt like a hot mess...I had beads of sweat dripping down my face and my hair looked like a rat's nest. In less than 5 minutes of sitting down my son was already running through the chairs and screaming-straight to the foyer we go.

After chasing my son in my heels (why on earth did I wear heels today?!) I sat down on the couch to catch my breathe and just pretended that I didn't see him climbing on the table (I was beyond exhausted at this point) Thankfully he got off the table and ran over to me to sit on my lap. I grabbed a couple pass-along card on the table near me so I could show baby the pics on the front to distract him. One of the pictures on the cards was of Jesus. As I pointed to his face and asked baby, "Who is this?," a deep impression came to my mind.  

"No one can stand before the Savior and suggest too much was asked."


I was humbled indeed.

Obviously my petty 'problems' of the day were nothing compared to the more serious trials I have endured (or have yet to endure)-and even those are not too much compared to what our Savior chose to endure for each and everyone of us. I know I am not given anything I cannot overcome and have definintly never been asked too much of me. I'm eternally grateful for my Savior and the selfless act he did when he died and atoned for me.

I LOVED this picture of the Savior.

[Side note: baby stayed in nursery the whole time which equals 2 whole hours of rest for me (nursery teachers are angels)
-my lesson was awesome and my class was full
-linger longer was on point and my fruit salad was gone before I could even get any, which I guess is a good thing because that means my first trial run of it was a success]

{ music therapy }

choice of the day :)

{ punk-arse & tom-boy }

Last weekend Saf and I found this new park to take our son to. (if you saw the last post-this is where that video clip was taken) It's one of those newer parks with a high-tech playground, a trail to walk on, and it even has an outdoor fitness area (niiiiice) with a leg press, chest press, elliptical, and more... We started taking baby here everyday so he can burn at least some of his boundless energy. (my son is like a dog-if you don't walk him everyday he goes crazy and tears the house up) Anyways, while our son goes off and plays, Saf and I get a little competitive on the playground-kind of like that little punk-a** boy back in elementary school whose always competitive (and mean) to that tom-boy at recess but still plays with her because he has a secret crush on her.

One day were trying to launch each other off the teeter-totter, and the next day we're seeing who can still do the monkey bars. Well, today we found some 'big kid monkey-bars' (tall enough that our feet don't touch the ground) Saf dared me to try and swing across (it's been sooooo long since we both did it-didn't know if we still could) Of course he made me go first even though it was his idea. I grabbed onto the first bar and as soon as I swung my arm and grabbed the next bar, my hand totally slipped and I ate it! (good thing I had my number one cheerleader on the sideline laughing hysterically at me-NOT!) I got right up and tried again. This time I made it across with ease. (take THAT punk-arse boy!) Then Saf got up to go. I can't even remember what exactly happened after that between his laughing, the bee that was chasing me, and then him walking back to the car saying, "It's too hot-next time"-but he never did made it across. (whose laughing now?)

punk-arse: 0 points

tom-boy: 1 point

Don't worry babe...I know you still got a crush on me!

{ tipsy-turvy }

One too many spins at the park...

 

*no child was hurt during the filming of this movie.

{ priceless day }

Hallelujer! It was a miracle! My hubby actually got a day off of work...and how did we spend it? At Disneyland! And to top it off getting in was free. Saf, my son, and I left first thing in the morning and we ended up staying the whole day. Here's a couple pics from our well spent day...

This was Safi boy's favorite part of the entire day. All he wanted to do was stay and bug the goats. He was picking their noses, waking them up, chasing them, yelling at them, and then he would chase any other kids away that tried to touch any of his goats. hahah ya..we left after the worker game me that look that said, "control your kid"

We went on the merry-go-round a couple times because it was the shortest line.

My buff guys.

Toy Story is my son's favorite movie! He went crazy when he saw Woody and Jessie. I wanted to take a pic of him with them but we were not about to stand in the 1+ hour line (in the heat) along with the other crazy parents. [sorry baby, next time]

Our ice-cream break while baby was knocked out. (we didn't want to share because this kids would have eaten both of our ice cream with ease)

Waiting for the World of Color show to start.

My handsome son up on daddy's shoulders watching the show intently. It was AH-mazing! It ended our night perfectly.

This was the first time I have ever been to a theme park and not gone on any 'big kid rides' (Saf hates them and even if he did go on them we had no one to watch baby) I was this close [ ] to going on one of the roller coasters by myself (that's how bad I wanted to go) but then thought "would that make me a loser?" haha ...because I always remember waiting in line to go on a ride and then thinking how weird the person behind us was because they were waiting in a 60 min line by them self and them screaming on the ride in the seat behind us to them self. Eh. haha Ya...so I just passed on the roller coaster. Next time though...

As we drove home from Disneyland we had one of those long convos where you talk about everything, finally apprehend one another, and feel like the world is perfect. We wanted to stop at Denny's for a late night bite to eat (like how we always use to) but then looked in the back seat and remembered we had our son, who was way passed knocked out. So we all three just went home and called it a day....a well-spend, over-due, priceless day.

{ personal power }

Personal Power

 -know who you are

-live passionately

-keep a plan

-embrace risk

-deal in the truth

-be assertive

{ thicker than blood }

Last Saturday I was blessed to witness the beautiful sealing of my little sister and her husband for time and all eternity in the Newport Beach temple. As they knelt across the altar it brought back precious memories of my own sealing to my sweet husband. Even though my husband wasn't able to make it that day (due to his INSANE work schedule) I know he is mine and will forever be mine, as with my son and future children, due to the sacred covenants we made on -our day-.

As I was sitting in the waiting room before the sealing started, the room started to crowd as it filled up with all of my family who came from near and far. Through the crowd I spotted my husband's parents.When I saw them I immediately felt not only gratitude because they made the long drive to show their support for my family, but I was overwhelmed with this comfortable, familiar feeling that I couldn't pin-point just what it exactly was right at that moment. I quickly realized this feeling was a deep sense of 'home'-my other home-my other family. Through marrying my husband, I was blessed and bound to his family...who I now see as my family.

I love my bro-in-laws, sis-in-laws, and aunties and uncle who married into the fam just the same. Despite any similarities, differences,  where we come from, or how we perceive things we have to make it work because are we not all eternally bound?

They say blood is thicker than water...but today I was reminded once again what is even thicker than blood-a family that is eternally bound both on earth and in heaven.

*ok...enough with the softness. here's a few pics from over the weekend.

The CUTE COUPLE-So proud of you sis & thanks bro for making her truly happy!
*photo taken by our new family photographer, Lia Barlow

{ role play }

(early-earlier this morning)

it's 3 am.

our son is sleeping in the other room.

Saf and I are still up sick, half-awake, and talking gibberish.

hubby: babe, say that line from 300..you know, the queen's part...

wifey: what line? (thinking to myself..what the tiredness?! you want to do this right now?!)

hubby: when he's leaving to go to war...

wifey: ugh..why is every single guy so obsessed with this movie?

hubby: because who wouldn't want to die like a hero, be ripped with 6 pack abs, and have a beautiful half naked woman (jokingly said...but really he's serious HAHA)

wifey: (the serious-confused-ima punch you look) ...a half naked woman?!

hubby: c'mon babe just say the line?

wifey: "this is SPAAAAARTA!"
hubby: no not that one...
wifey: "my queen! my wife, my love..."

hubby: no baby NOT that one either...the one the queen says

wifey: oh... (thinking) um....i don't remember? how does it go again?

hubby: "spartan!"... "come back with your shield, or on it" (which was quoted VERY dramatically) k now you say it...

wifey: (roll my eyes) "Spartan!"

hubby: "yes, my lady?"

wifey: "come back with your shield, or on it" (but said less dramatic)

hubby: "yes, my lady" (very serious)

**in case you're not familiar with this movie-here's the scene we just role played

wifey: (annoyed) how can you remember every single line from a movie but you can't remember a FA-rikkin thing I tell you?!

hubby: (oblivious to what I just asked him) "No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!"

 "You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!"

"This is blasphemy! This is madness!" 

"Madness...?

(now he's shouting)

This is Sparta!!!!!! (ya, he totally just forgot what I said to him 2 seconds ago)

 wifey: OK babe, now come back to reality before you wake up the baby!

**here's my husbands 6-pack abs (it's actually an 8-pack if you look really, really close) [just kidding babe!]

**oh, and CAN'T forget his half-naked woman! [if only i looked something like this! haha in your dreams babe!]

There's never a dull moment with us, even at 3 o'clock in the morning. <3

{ And all this time... }

Tonight before I put my son to sleep I knelt down by the bed to say prayer. Since he's starting to talk and copy everything we do, I figured my son is old enough to learn the basics of it. So as I knelt down (already assuming he wasn't going to pay much attention), he surprisingly came and knelt down right next to me (as if he already knew what was about to happen). As I closed my eyes and began my simple, child-like prayer (so my son could understand) I felt his little hand reach around me as he then rested it on my back and he held me as best as his short arms could. (what's funny is this is what Saf does to me everyday when we say family prayer)  Safi boy was reverent and still the entire brief prayer. As soon as I said 'amen' and opened my eyes, he let go of me and he was back to his old self -bouncing off the walls.

And all this time I never even thought he was paying attention to us (Saf and I) as we prayed together everyday while he jumped on the couch or on us...and I definitely didn't think he ever noticed the small gesture his father makes as he holds his mother even closer while they pray.

{ slumber ritual }

It's past midnight and I just barely got my son down for the night. He fights so hard to stay up. (why son...WHY?!) He was running down the hallway (in the dark) screaming so I wouldn't catch him and take him back to the bedroom.

I catch him.He starts whipping his whole body backwards.It's the end of the day.I'm exhausted.He's screaming bloody murder.

My resolution?....the instant slumber ritual that I just recently discovered. (I don't even know how I figured this one out-I think I was just hopeless one night and was trying everything...literally everything)

Go to the bathroom.Sit on the edge of the tub.Hold my screaming baby diablo securely in my arms.Turn on the loud, raging bath water. Instant relief  (yes, intant as in less than 10 seconds)-screaming has ceased and eyes are closed.

Awwwwww.....now there's my little angel.*

(In my perfect world my son would fall asleep with the snap of my fingers-as quick as this)