Friday, July 12, 2013

Daring Greatly

i somehow came across this TED talk given by Brene Brown, a therapist, and it [ changed my life! ]. (watch -HERE- if you're interested in knowing what i'm talking about.)

basically she talks about [ vulnerability ] and [ shame ] and how vulnerability is not weakness, but actually the most accurate measurement of our courage. she shared this quote by Theodore Roosevelt,

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

 This quote has definitely gone down in my books as one of my faves!

After hearing this talk I had to step back and examine the things in my life that I’m afraid to try, do, or say for fear of being vulnerable to the critics of others, or even myself. To be honest, even this silly blog is something I feel vulnerable about! I just like to write because it's therapeutic to me. No one really even knows i have it and it makes me cringe if i knew that everyone read it because I can be so sensitive of what others might think of my thoughts, ideas, or story. 

I realized that certain dreams and goals I have for myself have been held back for fear of failing.

I am so scared of failing! I can sit there and tell myself endless reason of why it won’t work instead of all the reasons ‘why it will’. I will continually doubt myself, belittle my ambitions, and give into my fears because it feels so much safer and comfortable if I do. But I finally realized I'm doing no one, including myself, any favors by [ playing small ]. What's living if I don't even try? There is no personal growth or accomplishment in my safety zone. And if I do try and FAIL (maybe even miserably) what's the shame in that because at least I put myself out there and tried, right?

Speaking of shame, I also had to address the issues of why I feel shame. Shame is an epidemic in our culture! We all have felt or are feeling some type of shame for whatever reason. For women, it really is, “a web of unattainable conflicting expectations of who we should be.” It was a personal epiphany to realize that some of my deepest pains were rooted from shame. I am now slowly but surely starting to unpack all the shame in my life and it feels pretty. Damn. Good! Life is so much easier and lighter when we choose not to carry the burden of shame. I feel free! Free of what others have done to me, free of past poor decisions, free of what others have said or think of me, and free of unattainable expectations. Even certain relationships with others in my life that have been hindered because of shame have already begun to flourish as I have let go of it! I REFUSE TO ALLOW SHAME TO RULE MY LIFE! 

Allowing my myself to be vulnerable and changing my personal definition of it to something that I know I will grow and strengthen from has become a daily practice in my life. I am still not perfect at it but am slowly seeing the fruits of my personal vulnerability as I have started to put myself out there and really DO the things that I fear. Life really is beautiful and while I am here I choose to live a full, vibrant life while daring greatly!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

new goal for a happier me

it seems now that i have started to changed the way i think i have all these new things happening in my life. but new things often mean change and change is good.

my new resolve within myself is if i ever become hurt, offended, annoyed, or angry towards someone i will either confront that person who i am holding negative feelings towards about the issue (instead of "venting" to sally, mary, or john because in reality none of them will ever be able to fix the problem with susie). Or if I do not wish to confront them about whatever it may be to try and fix the situation, then I must simply [ forgive them ]. 

It's as simple as that. No more holding grudges over here, honey!

my new secret

recently, i've been on this 'personal awakening' of the power of positive thinking and visualization. i started a new personal tradition with myself of [ daily affirmations ].

i never noticed how negative of a person I was until i really made a conscious effort to listen and be aware of my every thought through out my day. i realized that if i dwelt on one bad thought during my day there was a snowball effect of infinite more negative thoughts and then before i knew it i was singing in my head,
"it's just one of those days....that a girl goes through...when i'm angry inside...i juuuust wanna be all alone..."
Negative thoughts can be so self-sabotaging! i now firmly believe that thoughts are self-fulfilling. it finally hit me that if thoughts are self-fulfilling why not use that same energy towards positive thinking instead?

In my notes on my phone i wrote down a list of positive affirmations. Some of the affirmations i wrote down are things i want to become while others are affirmations to counteract certain false beliefs i've held within myself.

As i monitored my own thoughts through out my day i noticed i had certain reoccurring negative thoughts. i took those same reoccurring negative thoughts and turned them into positive affirmations.

basically how this works is i write down the affirmations that i want to become a reality. 
every night right before i go to sleep -I READ THEM.
every morning before i get out of bed -I READ THEM.
right before i know i am about to do something out of my comfort zone -I READ THEM.
if my day is starting to go south -I READ THEM.
if i want to feel great and inspired -I READ THEM.

but it's more than just reading each affirmation. each one i read i focus and try to feel that affirmation as if it is already true. basically, [ i fake it until i make it ]. i tell myself I AM whatever the affirmation is until that affirmation is a reality. i know this sounds like a bunch of hippie or vudu ish but it works! my entire out look on life has changed and amazing things are happening in my life that never could have happened before because my negative thoughts and beliefs stood in the way. i am breaking down those barriers and building something great!

if you don't believe me try it.
i dare you!