{ Safi's-go-round }

Laugh of the week...

"AT DAWN WE RIDE!!!!"

(My son in all seriousness.)

{ Christmas }

Christmas was beautiful! I am indeed blessed and have so much to be grateful for. 

We spend Christmas Eve at my mama's. If you know my mom than you know how nice she always makes things look and she definitely did not fall short this year. (She should have been an interior designer/professional party planner.)

The grand-chillrens with Papa.

 Chillin with my Nohea love and my son sitting there so jealous! (just look at his face!)

My Christmas wasn't complete until my husband got there early Christmas morning. We ended up pulling on all-nighter -staying up talking and cracking jokes. (We were both so dead in the morning.) Early Christmas morning everyone was up to see what Santa brought them...

 The parentals.....and our traditional box(s) of See's candy.

My family.

Later that day we drove to Rialto to see our Fonua family. I would have took pics but the all-nighter finally caught up to me and I knocked out for a couple hours. It was such a nice day for us though. My husband and I are do grateful for all we have, especially our families' and son.

{ a good cry }

You know that feeling where you're trying to hold it all in, keep it together, and pretend like everything is fine...and you're putting on a good act -until you're holding it in for so long that when someone finally asks you "are you ok?" ...your guard falls and you break down...

That was me yesterday. lawls.

....eh, ok I know its not funny but it makes the situation feel lighter if I laugh about it. I realized I hold to much in and don't allow others to help or 'carry my burden'. Surprisingly, I actually felt lighter after letting myself have a good cry. I think sometimes all you need is a good cry, to help release all the pressure that's trapped inside you. Right now I'm just going through my own personal trial. Yes, I have my husband/best friend to talk with about it. And I do. But sometimes there's just not much he can say or do because I realized he carries this same trial but feels and experiences it differently than I do. So I suffer in silence. This is my cross to bear. But of coarse, at the same time I still feel hope. There's always hope. I am just currently in the midst of the refiner's fire. I will experience this, learn from it, and grow because of it. I know I am not forgotten. I know Heavenly Father loves me because he has blessed me with pockets of sunlight along the way to give me this hope and get me through.

But sometimes....it just feels good to let go and have a good cry.

{ cooking, baking, and painting up a storm! }

Sometimes I get these sudden urges to just cook/bake. (I wish I had them more often -then we'd never have to eat out) But anyways, last night was one of those nights! 

6 hours later...

...24 juicy, gooey cinnamon rolls, 3 loaves of hot, fresh out the oven Maori bread, and pork chops with mashed potatoes. DONE. I feel so domestic.There's no way we're eating all this! I guess I'll just go drop them off at some lucky person's house.

And to get a little more into the 'holiday spirit' my son and I made Christmas cards. 

He thought it was the funniest thing when I painted his hand green and he tried to go all crazy with the paint brush! I wish I had something other than mommy's acrylic paint (that stains clothes)...but somehow we managed not to get it on anything. I'm most definitely buying the washable kiddie paints next trip to the store. Maybe this kid will have an artistic touch like his mama. 

 Finished product.

Thank you Pinterest for all your creative, brilliant ideas!

{ update }

I'm back! It feels like it's been "Fooooor-eeeev-er!" (said in Sandlot voice) School is finally over and I'm free! My boys no longer have to live off of fast food and hot dogs. Poor things. My son's birthday weekend was a success and now all I have left to do is get ready for Christmas. I'm kind of feeling like the Grinch this year because we skipped out on a Christmas tree. (Which is so off for me because having a Christmas tree -and the smell of it- in our home is what really makes it feel like Christmas.) I guess I was just too burnt out and busy to even bother going out and buying one. Random -but I decided instead I wanted to buy a lot of real plants to put up around our house to make it feel a little more...lively. Besides being Christmas treeless, I have been getting excited for my son because this is his first Christmas that he'll actually be excited about. I love the imagination of a child so I've been teaching him who 'Santa' is by watching Christmas movies on Netflix to get him pumped up for the big day. I managed to teach him "Jingle Bells"...and every time we sing it or he hears it he has this little dance he likes to do to it. I need to record it! But of course I still want my son to know the true meaning of Christmas so I've been teaching him who 'Baby Jesus' is. My mom has this statue at her house of Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus and when Safi boy saw it he wouldn't stop hugging and kissing the statue. He kept saying, "Sesus, Sesus!" I guess I should have got that on camera too. I'm slacking. We also started coloring. Here's one of his pictures we did together. Even though it's just a couple scribbles...I'm so PROUD! (I'm pretty sure only mommies could relate.)

I told Saf all I wanted for Christmas was this...

An Australian Shepherd puppy! I'm still stuck on having a 'family dog'. Our son LOVES dogs! Plus I want one I could go running, horseback riding, and to the beach with. Oh, and one that I could teach to go to the fridge and bring me a diet coke without me ever having to get off the couch -I've seen it done before. He said "No, one-it's not a man dog (whatever that means?) and two-I don't want one if we don't have a yard." Ok, I guess he's right with his second reason, but not the first. He said if anything we're getting Rottweiler. But like I always tell him, "You might (think) you wear the pants...but who wears the panties?...And which one do you think is more persuasive?" HA! Anyways, I guess this one will just have to be put on hold.

Other far more important events that have happened in my life recently...I gave up diet coke, at least for now. My drinking habits became too severe! After I started drinking it every day to the point where I barely drank water, I knew I needed an intervention. So I quit. No relapses yet. But I did have a relapse on my sleep-eating disorder. Ugh! And I hadn't had one since I wrote that post! So I woke up the other morning and found a trail of chocolate chips on the kitchen floor and all over the counter...with no recollection of making chocolate chip cookies the night before. (And there's no way it could have been my son because I keep the bag of chocolate chips high in the cupboard or my husband because he wasn't even here.) Embarrassing! A part of me thinks this is HI-larious and I just laugh about it. But the other part of me is saying, "OH MY GOSH! I'M A FREAK!!!" Maybe it was all the stress from school catching up with me, in the middle of the night. Ya...it was just the stress... Eh, anyhooow -hoping these next few weeks recharge me. I'm looking forward to spending them with my family, my Love, and my son.

{ Birthday Boy }

Whelp, our son no longer gets into the buffets or on the airplane for free! As of yesterday we "officially" have a two year old! It's crazy how fast these past two years have gone. It seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital with him and the doctor was placing him on my chest to hold for the first time. Even though he's already such a 'lil man and HUGE, at least he's still young enough to fall asleep in my arms. (I just put him down and now he's sleeping right next to me snoring away blissfully.) I was such a sappy-mama yesterday. I was smothering him with hugs and kisses all day. Even though he's only 2, I'm such a proud mommy! I'm proud that he laughs just like his daddy and has his bigger-than-life personality. I'm proud that he finally says "mama". I'm proud when I see him fold his arms and pray. I'm proud of him when he gives me hugs and kisses and then pats my face and smiles at me. I'm proud that he loves horses like his mommy (not like his daddy!) Sometimes I'm still blown away that we made this tiny person and that he's all mine....and will forever be mine!

We wanted to keep things simple this year so we just has a little get together with my husband's fam and my fam. I'm so grateful for all of them and the love they showed our son! We are so blessed!

On Saturday Grampa Naisa and Grama Siale had dinner and a cake for him. Afterward, he open all his gifts from them and his cousin, Baby Nice!

 Mama made him his favorite breakfast: scrambles eggs, grapes, and waffles with EXTRA EXTRA whipped cream (he loves his whipped cream -just like his mama!) I had to hide the can of whipped cream in the fridge because he kept on taking it out and crying for me to squirt it in his mouth.

Ice-cream cake......and mama forgot the candles! Oops! At least we had matches. (If you look closely you can see two matches stuck in the cake and lit. Ghetto!)

Opening presents with Aunty Terewai.

Son, I love you to the moon and back!

ps. I'm such a bad photographer. I wish I would have taken more photos but I guess I was too caught up in the moment.

{ 100/100 }

So the other day I was driving by myself and heated after having a "disagreement" with my husband. [Insert gasp*] ...because we are the perfect couple who live in pure marital bliss on a daily basis. HA! Anyways, so as I started replaying the situation over and over in my head...I became angry-er. Finally, I stopped pressing replay in my mind, convinced myself that it wasn't worth it to kill him, and took a nice, long deeeeeeeeep breath. 

Woooooooossssaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh....

I decided to listen to the "good" angel on my shoulder and thought to myself, "No matter how much this guy gets under my skin or how much we disagree on an issue or how much I just want to punch his face and yell 'WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?!' ...I will still always stand by his side, be his ride-or-die, and love him unconditionally.

Then last Sunday I came across this quote in Sunday school by Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy.

"When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through....Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent. Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will."

Good day or bad day, the everlasting covenant we made with the Lord is what drives our power, motivation, and compassion to each give 100% to one another.

{ Real Talk }

To be totally honest with you....

{ Body Rock }

I've been craaazy busy lately with school and all the other daily responsibilities of a wifey and mama. (Only a couple more weeks of school left -then I can kick my feet up and catch my breath!...until next semester starts.) So anyways...by the end of most days I'm zombied-out and have no energy whatsoever but to be a couch-potato with my son and watch movies while drinking my diet coke and munching on some kettle popcorn.

But with my crazy schedule I needed to find some motivation to stay consistent with my workouts. The other day I came across this website and fell in love with it! It's basically has at-home workouts that are only anywhere from 4-20 minute workouts...doable right?! A 4-minute workout sounds better than a 1-hour one....and what excuse can you use against knocking out a 4 minute workout?...Nothing! So I tried this 12-minute workout the other day thinking it would be easy...WRONG! After 12 minutes I was dripping sweat and my legs were shaking. To loose my last 5 lbs for our competition I'm going to be sticking to...

...Body Rock workouts

..."Couch to 5K" app on my iphone

...and "MyFitnessPal" app

I can't wait to see the goat-T gone and get me some new shoes. :)

{ Island getaway...on a weekday }

Last week my sis, Lia, and I took a girls-day-out with our babies to Catalina Island. I'm sure non-Californians assume people who live here 'are so lucky and do everything and go everywhere that California has to offer because we live here'...but we don't. I've lived in California my entire life (by the beach) and had never actually stepped foot on the island. The closest I came was going snorkeling right off the coast. So my curiosity was finally satisfied. The island was beautiful, the water was crystal-clear, everyone drives golf carts, and it's the perfect getaway without even going that far.

After my son got sea sick and blew chunks all over me...I took him up to the top deck for some fresh air. Let's just say I was glad he didn't eat any breakfast that morning.

My beautiful sis and I arriving in Catalina....and having no clue what we were going to do next. Next time I go I'm definitely renting a golf cart to explore a little further than where my legs took me.

This was the first thing you see getting off the boat -crystal clear water and huge, bright orange fish!

These guys kept my little man occupied the entire day.

Quick pic on our walk around the harbor.

Look at this buff guy!

Feeding the fish....and my son just learned how to make the "f" sound so the entire day he was saying "feeshy..feeshy!" It was cute.

On our way home. It was an adventurous (and quite liberating) day going out to sea and exploring somewhere we've never been. My son And I got the best seat on the boat -Top deck, on a cushioned bench, in the back by ourselves. He fell asleep in my arms giving me time to think to myself and enjoy the ocean breeze. A few thoughts I had:

-I'm thinking (more seriously now) about getting scuba certified. Once I have a little more time on my hands that just might be my next hobby.

-once it gets warmer I'm going to try paddle boarding

-taking this trip to Catalina reminded me how much I LOVE TO TRAVEL. Just because I have "big girl" responsibilities now doesn't mean I can't take take mini-getaways like this every once in a while.

-grateful for the beautiful place I live -there's so much to do and so many opportunities

-I am blessed.

{ weekend marathon }

My husband surprised me with two days off from work. Well, technically it's not even 'two days off' -most people call it a 'weekend'. I can't even remember the last time he had an entire weekend off...?? It's been so long we didn't even know what to do with ourselves.....so we did a b s o l u t e l y nothing but have a marathon of...

The Vampire Diaries!

(psshhh...Don't judge!)

...not that I'm really even that into the whole Vampire phenomena that seems to have errupted lately but I found this on Netflix -it had good ratings so I started watching it just to see if it was interesting -then I had to keep watching the next episode to see what happened next -then my husband (yes, my husband) watched one episode with me and then he had to see what happened next...so before we knew it we were both yelling at the tv "No! You stupid girl -don't kiss him!" or "He's such an E-D-iot!...Why'd he listen to him?!" and stuffing our faces with kettle popcorn up until we finished the last season. It was intense. (By the way -we're Team Damon allll the way!)

Really though, I was just glad to be together, kick up our feet, and stay up as late as we wanted with out having any responsibilities the next day. Next weekend [if there is one] will be far more productive...and actually make it out of the house.

{ These boots are made for...Riding! }

The only pair of shoes I love more than my GUESS stilettos are these...

...my cowgirl boots!

Lately, with all my school work, our crazy schedules, and being a full-time wifey and momma I've become so burnt out! So today I skipped class and went horseback riding instead. Just what I needed. Anyone who really knows me knows how much I LOVE horses. Good thing I married someone who loves horses just as much as me..er...well..kinda...ok, not really. Just to clear the air -YES, my husband is Tongan so YES, my husband LOVES (to eat) hoosi. YES, I am part Tongan so YES, I have tried hoosi too. Honestly, it's good -but I just can't get past the fact of what I'm eating so no thank you!

Anyways, so back to what I was saying....As far back as I can remember I've been riding horses. My grandparents, who live in Utah, own  and bred horses so every time I'd go visit them I'd ride -either in their arena or up the canyon. I can remember waking up at the crack of dawn every morning (even if it was the middle of winter and below 0 degrees-Antarctica-weather) just so I could help my grandpa feed and water the horses. I have pictures of me when I was two or three years old with my frizzy blond hair blowing in the wind while riding a pony by myself with one hand holding the reins and the other holding my whip. I was so small my feet couldn't even reach the stirrups so I would squeeze me legs as tight as I could around the belly just to stay on. My grandpa said I had no fear. Before climbing on the pony I'd tell him "Gimme mah whip so I can whip him!" Later on I graduated from ponies to riding the 'big horsies' to the top of mountains. Being in Utah with my grandparents is where my passion for horses began and grew...

When I was younger I grew up with the mindset that there were only horses in Utah (because that's the only place I saw or rode them), then once I got older my mindset changed to "It's too expensive to own a horse in California" or "I don't have time to go riding" or "I don't know where I'll ride"....so I kind of just put my passion on the back-burner, especially after I got married and had a kid. On the occasional times I went back to Utah, I'd usually catch a ride with my grandpa....but riding only a couple times a year wasn't enough.

A couple months ago I finally threw away that mindset and those excuses  -and I started riding again....aaaand I'm hooked. I started going every Friday. Those couple of hours every Friday turned into {me-time} and through out the week when things would get hectic or I'd become overly exhausted I would remind myself of the couple of hours I get to myself on Friday and my excitement and anticipation would get me through the week. This {me-time} turned into something that I didn't know I needed so much! When I go and ride I just forget about everything...like my endless list of things I need to get done, the taxes we owe (lol), and whatever else was bothering me before I got there.

I realized I had, in a way, lost my sense of self and of the person I once was before I became a Mrs. and mommy. And I mean that in the 'best intentions' kinda way. Anyone who is a wife and mother knows how much you are NEEDED on a constant basis and how everyone walks around with their heads chopped off if you're not around. (at least mine do) But I just discovered this secret...

The secret to happy wives and mothers are those who know where "we" ends and "me" begins.

Some may think that's selfish...well, it's not! How can you take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first? My husband LOVES when I go riding every week because I come home feeling refreshed, happy, and most importantly -in a good mood! It's just like the saying "Happy wife, happy life" or "If momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy". Taking some {me-time} and doing something I'm passionate about keeps me fueled emotionally and mentally and it makes me LOVE being a full-time wifey and momma that much more. (c'mon...any woman who says she's ALWAYS chipper and full of energy waking up through out all hours of the night, cooking every meal, cleaning toilets and other nasty things, etc., etc... is lying!) I'm grateful for my husband in supporting me in this and understanding that I need my {me-time}. It makes me fall in love with him all over again when he takes on babysitting duty and tells me "you deserve it babe".

For now I'm ok riding other people's horses but once we're a little more established and we can afford it I'm going to own my own. I promised myself I'm going to always ride...because that's 'my thing'...that's my passion...that's me.

Riding with Grampa.

On one of my favorite spots on our ride -This always reminds me of the Sacred Grove.

The view.

Please, don't mind the bad angle of my thunder thighs and that I look like a hot mess in this one..it was early in the morning -I still love this pic.