{ most difficult thing for me to forgive }

back in june i started { 30 things }, a month of answering a question about yourself each day. i started this for my kids sake in hopes that they'd read it one day. anyways due to morning sickness and the craziness of life i never finished it...but i'm going to at least try and finish now before baby #2 arrives. i believe i left off on day 18...

 

"What has been the most difficult thing you  have had to forgive?

i was actually just going to leave this question out because the answer is so personal. but i changed my mind because there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. but i will just keep my answer simple and to the point.

forgiving my abuser from my childhood has been the most difficult thing for me to forgive. almost my entire life was spend carrying this heavy burden of pain, shame, and helplessness. i couldn't go back into the past and change things, and that fact drove me crazy. i finally realized that i wasn't that helpless little girl. what happened happened. but now it was my decision of whether or not i wanted to continue carrying this burden and be miserable the rest of my life....or let it go and be happy. the decision was mine and no one else's. it literally took me years just to contemplate whether or not i was, or even could, forgive this person and what they did to me. i could no longer live the way i was anymore. it got to the point where it was effecting my son, and by then i knew things within me had to change. 

i went to the temple one day and before i left i said a silent, heartfelt prayer telling Heavenly Father that i truly forgave him, my abuser (i have no contact whatsoever with this person so forgiving him face to face wasn't an option). as i closed my prayer i immediately felt [ lighter ] and [ peaceful ]. i vividly remember walking through the temple grounds to my car feeling so happy and having this sense of inner [ strength ] that i had never experienced before. in my mind the words, "HE NO LONGER OWNS ME. I AM FREE." left a deep impression upon me. my life has changed for the [ best ] since that day.

there is always HOPE.

you can HEAL.

the atonement is REAL.

(one of my favorite talks by Richard G. Scott)