{ quiet confidence }

It's usually...

...the couples who have to put it out there that they have the perfect relationship...actually have the most unhealthy one.

...those who scream and shout how much they hate drama...who are the instigators and biggest drama queens.

...those who claim to be the "realest"...are as fake as plastic.

...those who have to show how much they give...are the most selfish.

...those who give every person they meet their 'two cents' because they know it all...don't know jack squat.


Remember...

Talking with quiet confidence will always beat screaming with obvious insecurity.

{ Hushed fears }

This morning I was signed up for a class -so last night I had to make my final decision as to whether or not I was going to go to school this semester. (Yes, I'm always leaving decisions to the very last minute) So I pulled out my Book of Mormon and started reading where I left off...

I read {{ Mosiah 23:28 }}"Therefore they hushed their fears, and began to cry unto the Lord..." I stopped what was doing --said a simple prayer asking whether or not I should take this class --then sat there quietly and pondered... 

Immediately after the impression came to me that I had already received my answer -and that I needed to stop fighting it. {{ I am not suppose to go to school this semester. }}Ya, I've been having these feelings of wanting to be just a full-time mommy but at the same time I fought with these feelings because it was my will to stick with my goal/dream of finishing school. I promised myself a while ago that no matter how long it took I would take at least take one class per semester -because I'm determined to reach my goal of getting that degree. So I guess my greatest fear of taking a semester off would be that it would become harder to go back the semester after...and that I'd be letting this goal/dream of mine slip away....

But after praying, I had this deep impression that Heavenly Father has something else planned for me in the near future. (wish I knew what!) And I know that he always compensates for what is lost. So if not now, school will still happen for me later or I will be blessed with something far greater. Even though it was hard for me to give up something (for the time being) that I had planned for myself, I felt peace after I made my final decision because I knew my will was aligned with the Lord's will. And I know that "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."-David O. Mckay

Oh, and being the over-emotional person I am -you know I cried a 'lil! HA! But it was cute because by then my son had walked into the room, wiped my tears away, grabbed my face and kissed his mama. My son's tender sweetness sealed the deal. I know I'm making the right decision.

{ full-time mommy...or big kid }

School + work = my husband staying up for 22 hours straight!!!! {{CRAZY!!!}}

There's no way he could get a good (days) rest with us home and waking him up so my son and I needed a good excuse to get out of the house........DISNEYLAND PASSES! {{yayyer!}} So yesterday my son and I went on a mommy&son date and had a fabulous time! I love the age my son is at right now (but I guess I've been saying that about every age he's been..lol) Now he's starting to understand more so it's mucho fun to see him go bananas when we get in line for the Buzz Lightyear ride or when he meets any of the Disney characters in person. He's so mesmerized by them...probably because all his movie friends have come to real life. lawlz. I probably had just as much fun as him...or more.

 

 My son brings the kid out of me. All I want to do is play all day! The whole day I was thinking about what I am going to do about school...if I'm going to go back this semester or not. Honestly, right now all I want to do is be a full-time mommy. I want to spend my days going to Disneyland, playing Just Dance II on the Wii, painting the tub with colored shaving cream, watching movies, going to the beach, staying up late and sleeping in.... I've been justifying me not going back by telling myself, "He's only going to be young like this once"...right? I guess I have some big kid decisions to make in the next couple days.

{ rainy day }

rainy day + baby taking nap = quick sketches

{ I'm so tricky-tricky }

As BIG as my son is, he literally eats almost nothing...except for bananas, oatmeal/cereal, meat (occasionally), and anything sweet...oh ya, and chips! (thanks to my husband for getting him hooked on those) I've never been able to get him to eat any type of veggies..................except for today.

All this kid ever wants to do is drink. (hmmm...I wonder who he get's that from??) So I came up with the idea of smoothies! I put some frozen strawberries, bananas, mangoes, a handful of SPINACH, water, ice and VWUALLA! He downed it! It actually tasted pretty good too. (you couldn't even taste the spinach) Then I just put the extra smoothie into a popsicle maker for him to eat later.

Ha! He had no idea his mama just tainted his yummy drink with that "icky-green stuff". I'm so tricky-tricky!

{ Simple Things #3 }

If you want to speak to Heavenly Father -pray.

If you want Heavenly Father to speak to you -read the scriptures.

WITHOUT FAIL, I can always find all my answers in here. And it's simple- all I have to do is read and ponder.

{ part-time pet }

 My son and I chillin' with Moko...

Yes, I'm still buggin' my husband to let us get a "family pet" (aka dog) because my son loves animals...but I'm starting to give into the idea of settling for a "family goldfish"...at least for now. (FREAK! I hate apartments!) At least we have Moko to be our part-time pet. I know everyone who comes to my mom's house hates this dog but hey, he obeys me and fought off an Akita three times his size when it got to close to me...so he'll always be my sidekick who follows me around everywhere when I go to my mom's house. What can I say...I'm a pro with dogs! I watch Cesar Millan on the Dog Whisperer. "Be calm and assertive." lawlz.

{ Post-Motherhood }

Last Saturday I went to the J Boog concert. J Boog kiiiiiilled it! Weekends just aren't what they use to be so a girls-night-out was  way overdue. Even though it was nice to get out...I realized I don't think I'll ever be able to fully enjoy anything for myself like how I use to pre-motherhood. When we left for the concert I felt guilty for leaving my son (to the point where I thought "maybe I shouldn't go?") then the rest of the night all I could think about was him and wonder what he was doing at that moment...am I crazy?...or am I just a mother? Probably both.

But I know my son was in good hands with his favorite Unko Don. And other than the guilty-over-protective-motherly feelings I had a good time. (Plus, my baby-daddy missed me...And I love it when he gets "soft" like that. It's cute.)

{ Cruise Control Thoughts #2 }

Driving down the 57 meeting up with my moms for some lunch...

**I can't believe we (my son and I) locked ourselves inside at home for three days!!!!! It feels soooo good to get out! Never again! I can't stay inside that long with out going crazy and wanting to pull my hair out! Speaking of crazy...

**I haven't gone riding in almost a month! I'm having major withdrawals! I either need to find a side job to help pay for this ish or find a rich friend who has the hook ups. ("It's not what you know, it's who you know.") I'm starting to go a little crazy with out it. And TRUST, horseback riding is still so much cheaper than therapy! So let's try and keep the craziness in check...somebody get me on a horse! haha
 

**This year I really am getting some Disneyland passes for my son and I. We've been FAILING at letting daddy sleep during the day so I know this would definitely get us out the house to give him some peace and quiet. Plus, I love mommy-son bonding time. Oh ya, and we still need to find Buzz Lightyear and get his autograph. Last time we went the only people we met were =ALL THE PRINCESSES= Which was still fun. My son wooed Snow White with his drop-dead-handsome looks! Forget Prince Charming! Safi Boy held her hand and walked her all the way back to her dressing room. (No joke! It was HI-larious! Good thing we got it all on video.)

**I can't wait to meet our newest niece, Seiseira Rosie Fonua (my husband's brothers daughter). She's beautiful! So far all the Fonua grandchildren look so much alike! (At least I think so.) When I was looking at the pics of her that they texted us, I couldn't help but see my son when he was born. They have the same cheeks, lips, and nose. Craaaaazy! Them Fonua features are strong! haha I hope my son grows up close with his cousins like I did. Honestly, living so close to my cousins (literally only one street away-the furthest being a block away), going to the same school and ward as them, and us all being best friends was the BEST part of growing up. Don't know where we'll all end up in the future but I hope our families are still somewhat close in distance so our kids stay close. Speaking of babies...I'm baby-hungry! ;)

It was good to get out and get a breath of fresh air. My boy always loves it when he see's his Gigi! Before we went to lunch we stopped at the park. My son did not want to get out of this swing....so he stayed in there for 30 minutes! (Good thing I try and stay in shape or else trying to keep up with this kid would be the death of me!) The pic on the right is of him shooting me with his "Buzz Lightyear lazer beam". Too funny!

I love my baby! He's our world...and endless source of entertainment! 

Life is good!

{ Daily Affirmations }

This little girl made my day! I'm starting off every my mornings pumped up like this...standing on the sink in front of the mirror in my PJs and everything!!! haha

Self Affirmation for today:

-"I make more and better opportunities for myself and my family."

-"I will live in the present and make the most out of today."

 -"I can do anything good..and better than anyone!"

{ HAVEN WAS HERE }

One of my many fetishes are journals. I literally have journals/notebooks/sketch books for daaaaaaays! (Just ask my husband -he's forever cracking jokes on me saying, "Why don't you just go write it down in one of your journals...". Annoying.) For me, the idea of getting a brand new book with blank pages, putting my own words into it, and creating something that becomes a piece of me that can last longer than my physical existence captivates me. I know, it's an ....odd impulse. I don't really know why I do it...I've done it ever since I was a child. Now that I think about it, maybe it's because it helps organize and clear my thoughts. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts...ideas...memories... And I guess, in a sense, it's my way of leaving a tangible mark  in this world and for my posterity that says, "HAVEN WAS HERE" -like what you use to see engraved inside slides at the playground, but hopefully to a far more influential degree.

I literally have a huge storage box filled to the top with old, used journals. Sometimes I go back and read through them and have a good laugh because some of the things I wrote about sound so stupid now (but of course at the time it didn't.) But it's always interesting to see how I've grown and changed after reading through some entries. From a day to day perspective, life's routines don't seem to change all that much, but when you keep a journal, you discover how big those daily, subtle changes have become.

Last month I finally finished another journal from cover to cover (3 years work!) and started a brand new one (on right) just in time for the new year.

But my newest journal  that I'm loving the most (Like I said, I have journals for days!) is the one I started for my son. Each entry in it is like a mini-letter from me to him of funny things he's done, thoughts I have about him, and my hopes/dreams for him. I know one day he'll appreciate it. I decided I'm going to do a journal like this for each one of my future babies.

I know right now these are all "just books" but one day they'll have a priceless meaning to those who matter most to me.

{ BE About It }

No, I'm not going to give you an entire shpeel of my New Years resolutions...

I believe setting new goals and focusing on personal improvement should be an everyday commitment -not a once-a-year commitment. I already know the goals I want to accomplish and the person I want to be so my mission this year is to BE about it! I'm going to act instead of react. So far the biggest regrets of my life have been those where I failed to act. Never again. I refuse to be acted upon. I'm trusting in myself and my abilities and going to just do it!

{ Simple Things #2 }

...taking my son out of the tub, wrapping him up in a warm, comfy towel, and holding him like a baby while he looks up at me with those big 'ol brown eyes and smiles!

It's the simple things that make me happy!