Número tres

                                     

Yes, [ número tres ] is already on its way and my baby is already about to be a big brother! This was totally unplanned and a bit of a surprise. Honestly, I wasn't too excited when I first found out. I cried. I felt overwhelmed because...well, I feel like I just had a baby. But reality has slowly set in and after looking at the bigger picture, I am excited! It will be fun watching this little one and Niko grow up together so close in age (they'll be just over a year apart). Of course my husband was excited from the moment we found out. If he had it his way all our kids would be 10 months apart. I guess I have always wanted our kids close in age anyways and I might as when knock them all out while I'm still young. I'm 7 weeks down and tentative due date is April 9, 2014. Big things ahead for our little family...

Daring Greatly

i somehow came across this TED talk given by Brene Brown, a therapist, and it [ changed my life! ]. (watch -HERE- if you're interested in knowing what i'm talking about.)

basically she talks about [ vulnerability ] and [ shame ] and how vulnerability is not weakness, but actually the most accurate measurement of our courage. she shared this quote by Theodore Roosevelt,

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

 This quote has definitely gone down in my books as one of my faves!

After hearing this talk I had to step back and examine the things in my life that I’m afraid to try, do, or say for fear of being vulnerable to the critics of others, or even myself. To be honest, even this silly blog is something I feel vulnerable about! I just like to write because it's therapeutic to me. No one really even knows i have it and it makes me cringe if i knew that everyone read it because I can be so sensitive of what others might think of my thoughts, ideas, or story. 

I realized that certain dreams and goals I have for myself have been held back for fear of failing.

I am so scared of failing! I can sit there and tell myself endless reason of ‘why it won’t work’ instead of all the reasons ‘why it will’. I will continually doubt myself, belittle my ambitions, and give into my fears because it feels so much safer and comfortable if I do. But I finally realized I'm doing no one, including myself, any favors by [ playing small ]. What's living if I don't even try? There is no personal growth or accomplishment in my safety zone. And if I do try and FAIL (maybe even miserably) what's the shame in that because at least I put myself out there and tried, right?

Speaking of shame, I also had to address the issues of why I feel shame. Shame is an epidemic in our culture! We all have felt or are feeling some type of shame for whatever reason. For women, it really is, “a web of unattainable conflicting expectations of who we should be.” It was a personal epiphany to realize that some of my deepest pains were rooted from shame. I am now slowly but surely starting to unpack all the shame in my life and it feels pretty. Damn. Good! Life is so much easier and lighter when we choose not to carry the burden of shame. I feel free! Free of what others have done to me, free of past poor decisions, free of what others have said or think of me, and free of unattainable expectations. Even certain relationships with others in my life that have been hindered because of shame have already begun to flourish as I have let go of it! I REFUSE TO ALLOW SHAME TO RULE MY LIFE! 

Allowing my myself to be vulnerable and changing my personal definition of it to something that I know I will grow and strengthen from has become a daily practice in my life. I am still not perfect at it but am slowly seeing the fruits of my personal vulnerability as I have started to put myself out there and really DO the things that I fear. Life really is beautiful and while I am here I choose to live a full, vibrant life while daring greatly!

new goal for a happier me

it seems now that i have started to changed the way i think i have all these new things happening in my life. but new things often mean change and change is good.

my new resolve within myself is if i ever become hurt, offended, annoyed, or angry towards someone i will either confront that person who i am holding negative feelings towards about the issue (instead of "venting" to sally, mary, or john because in reality none of them will ever be able to fix the problem with susie). Or if I do not wish to confront them about whatever it may be to try and fix the situation, then I must simply [ forgive them ]. 

It's as simple as that. No more holding grudges over here, honey!

my new secret

recently, i've been on this 'personal awakening' of the power of positive thinking and visualization. i started a new personal tradition with myself of [ daily affirmations ].

i never noticed how negative of a person I was until i really made a conscious effort to listen and be aware of my every thought through out my day. i realized that if i dwelt on one bad thought during my day there was a snowball effect of infinite more negative thoughts and then before i knew it i was singing in my head,
"it's just one of those days....that a girl goes through...when i'm angry inside...i juuuust wanna be all alone..."
Negative thoughts can be so self-sabotaging! i now firmly believe that thoughts are self-fulfilling. it finally hit me that if thoughts are self-fulfilling why not use that same energy towards positive thinking instead?

In my notes on my phone i wrote down a list of positive affirmations. Some of the affirmations i wrote down are things i want to become while others are affirmations to counteract certain false beliefs i've held within myself.

As i monitored my own thoughts through out my day i noticed i had certain reoccurring negative thoughts. i took those same reoccurring negative thoughts and turned them into positive affirmations.

basically how this works is i write down the affirmations that i want to become a reality. 
every night right before i go to sleep -I READ THEM.
every morning before i get out of bed -I READ THEM.
right before i know i am about to do something out of my comfort zone -I READ THEM.
if my day is starting to go south -I READ THEM.
if i want to feel great and inspired -I READ THEM.


but it's more than just reading each affirmation. each one i read i focus and try to feel that affirmation as if it is already true. basically, [ i fake it until i make it ]. i tell myself I AM whatever the affirmation is until that affirmation is a reality. i know this sounds like a bunch of hippie or vudu ish but it works! my entire out look on life has changed and amazing things are happening in my life that never could have happened before because my negative thoughts and beliefs stood in the way. i am breaking down those barriers and building something great!

if you don't believe me try it.
i dare you!

immensely happy

i came across this quote today:

“Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy.” 

 i realized my husband is everything on that list [ and more ] and it was a great reminder to 'not sweat the small stuff'. he's not perfect...we're not perfect...but we work well with each other, we appreciate one another's strengths, we forgive each others weaknesses, and we [ truly love ] the other. it seems more and more these days i hear or see people marrying for the wrong reason, spouses not being completely loyal, or marriages falling apart -even temple marriages. this is a quote i'll definitely be sharing with my future daughters because i believe who we marry determines much of our happiness. anyways, there's my two-cents for the day. time to get back to my boys. my little Niko just woke up from his nap.

 happy with what i have.

 

What I know for sure...

Last week I turned 25. In the quarter of a century that I've been alive, here's [ what I know for sure ]...

Being happy is a choice.
Good, positive thoughts will shift your life into something amazing!
My love languages are 'words of affirmation' and 'quality time' (I'm bilingual).
But learn to speak all the love languages.
I have a great, unique heritage.
The best place to live is in the 'present moment'.
Once you grow up your siblings really are your true, best friends.
I hate 'secrets'. So much shame grows from them and they only take you backwards -not forward.
Stay positive. Always.
The best way to learn is through experience.
Don't be afraid to be a "beginner".
Honestly is the best policy and will always get you further.
Everyone just wants to feel validated.
What others think of you is none of your business.
When you have an attitude of gratitude, you will always have enough.
The less I feel I need, the happier I am.
Building strong, lasting, true relationships with others makes me feel fulfilled.
Life is so much easier when you become your own best friend.
Forgive and FORGET.
Laugh a lot.
Some things are better said than not said.
Sometimes that person we need to forgive is ourself.
Don't look back. Keep moving forward.
Family is always worth the sacrifice.
My biggest regrets have been when I failed to act quickly.
Marrying my husband was the hardest yet BEST decision I ever made.
You are always the master of your emotions.
Don't have a wishbone where your back bone ought to be.
Fear and faith cannot coexist.
Forgiveness will set you free.
There are no such thing as a coincident.
You cannot compare your weakness to someone else's strength.
Keep things simple.
The dirty house is not going anywhere -take the time to have fun with the kids. They grow up too fast!
Don't get offended so easily. You give away your power by doing so.
The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true.
Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer.
Looking back, Heavenly Father has always been there for me and pulled me through every struggle, even when I lacked faith-He will never forsake me.


I'm likening this feel of "25". I feel wiser. I'm happy. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel blessed for the experiences I have had thus far. I feel like I've come a long way. I am optimistic about my future. There is so much good ahead of me.

The best is yet to come so COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT.

Babe, baby, & the baby

I tried doing a cute birthday shout out with my boys for their aunty's birthday. I got the idea from Pinterest and wanted it to look something like this...

FAIL. 

Safi boy was laughing when i was writing on the bottom of his foot with the marker, Niko was too squirmy so I couldn't even write 'aunty' on his foot, then safi boy was mad because Niko was scratching him (his face says it all), Niko was sliding down, safi boy was moving his feet so you couldn't read the words, the angle was off, and I was getting hot. Talk about trying to DO THE MOST. They make everything on pinterest look so easy! Oh well. At least safi boy was entertained for the rest of the day with looking at the blue writing on the bottom of his feet and saying, "HAPPY BIRFDAY!" (I thought the marker I used was washable. Nope. Another 'parental fail'. I seem to be having a lot of those these days.)

Anyways, I love my boys. They keep my life entertained and busy. On a side note -we still find ourselves calling safi boy "baby"even though he's not the baby anymore. We always said that once the second one came along, we wouldn't be able to call him "baby" ...but that didn't happen. On rare occasion we'll refer to niko as "the baby" (as in "can you go get the baby?") but never do we talk directly to him and call him "baby". So now I have a "babe", "baby", and "the baby". I know that might sound confusing but we all somehow just know who is talking to who. Hey, it works for us. I wonder what original name we'll come up with for child #3?