Lately I feel like I've been having a lot of these....mommy meltdowns. I'm pretty sure it's mostly due to the pure exhaustion of being 38 weeks prego with two active boys (one of which is a 1 year old and teething) and the fact that I pretty much get no breaks since my husband is working crazy hours and going to school and I have no family around to help me. So my latest episode was a week ago. I'm only sharing it now because it's funny (but it wasn't at the time) and I know one day when I look back and read this I'll realize how ridiculously silly these problems are.
So as we were winding down from the long day I was lying down on my sons' bed (on my back with eyes closed) trying to take one of my many 10 minute breaks while my boys jumped and played around me. Niko's new thing when he is on the bed is to just fall backwards and let the pillow/blankets catch his fall. Well, guess I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time because his nice big, hard head fell right back onto my nose! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! I can't even remember the last time I cried because of such intense physical pain! I cried....then Niko cried....and then Safi boy cried because he got worried seeing me cry and told Niko, "you're not my friend because you hurt mommy." So we all just layed there and cried! First I was crying because of the pain and then my crying turned into "what am I doing?! I'm so exhausted! How am I going to handle three kids?! I'm crazy. I'm crazy! IM CRAZY!!!" After a good 5 minute cry I finally collected myself and (calmly) put my sweet Niko down in his crib for the night. I walked to the kitchen to get some ice for my already swollen nose (I thought it was broken) and asked Safi boy to grab my iPad off the charger and bring it to me. Next thing I know he's running around the corner, iPad in hand, SLIPS, and then I just hear the biggest CRACK as my iPad falls out of his hands onto the tile floor. Yup, I was already on edge and then that just tipped me right over! I couldn't get mad at Safi boy because he was just doing me a favor so I held it all in until I got back to our bedroom where my husband was sleeping and just broke out in a LOUD UGLY CRY saying "I can't do this anymore!!!!" (While falling to the foot of the bed-I know, I know. SO DRAMATIC!) I scared the baheebeejeebees out of my husband because he jumped out of bed from a deep sleep, eyes WIDE OPEN, frantically asking me what just happened. I told him Safiboy cracked my iPad......and that, "I think Niko broke my nose." Oh my gosh, just typing that last sentence made me laugh because it sounds so silly and over dramatic but I swear -prego hormones make you do and think crazy things! Saf took a deep breath of relief and told me I almost made him pee his pants because I scared him so bad. He thought one of the kids got hurt or was in serious danger considering my crazy bawling outburst. (Nope Honey, I'm just pregnant.) He had me come lay down next to him and he just held me while I cried it out and he reassured me we'd get my iPad fixed ASAP....and that my nose wasn't broken, or crooked. (And yes, I know an iPad is just a materialistic object and I'm not much of a materialistic girl but I LOVE my iPad! It's my connection to the outside world when I get stuck inside with the kids and my best friend when I'm up in the middle of the night feeding a baby. So yes, I have somewhat of an emotional attachment to it.)
After that latest mommy meltdown I've really tried to make a conscious effort of slowing things down, enjoying the moments with my sons, and having lower expectations. What I mean by lower expectations is feeding my boys their second bowl of cereal of the day for dinner and hoping their multivitamin fills in the nutritional gap, making their bath water super soapy so all I have to let them do is "soak" in it and hopefully be magically clean (it saves me the step of bending over the tub and washing their bodies), letting the house goooooo and get all kinds of messy and dirty, and going to sleep in what we wore when we woke up that same day.
I read this article the other day that was circulating around Facebook about motherhood. (Click here if you're interested in reading it) Basically, the biggest mommy-ah-ha moment I got out of it was "I will not let satan take away my motherhood". It was a kick in my behind for me to reevaluate the way I talk to my kids, be more present everyday with them, and have far more patience.
Being a mother is the most difficult job in the world! Seriously, your raising little human beings. Their lives' are in your hands and you could really mess up or create a very dysfunctional adult if you don't do your job right. Anyways, I'm rambling now.... If you even read this far thanks for listening to my rant/random motherly thoughts.
Here's a couple pics of our latest moments.
Lots of jumping, wrestling, laughing, and crying on the bed.
Discovering new places to hide.
Bath time fun.
Not the prettiest but most definitely delicious pumpkin paleo pancakes for lunch.
Lots of "take a picture of me, mama!"
Water balloons to throw at each other.
...eating a lil bit of dirt.