Simple day

Before this day ends I just wanted to write a quick post. Nothing amazing or spectacular happened today but I just want the simplicity of it to be remembered.

I woke up this morning next to my Safi boy. He was still dreaming away and it was early in the morning so I decided to do some personal goal setting. Then I did some scripture reading. Not too long after that Niko woke up so I went and picked him up from his crib, layed him down in my bed, and gave him a bottle while I relaxed next to him. It felt nice to wake up in the morning and not be rushed or having any other responsibilities that I had to get ready for right away. I sent my husband a quick text thanking him for always working so hard for us, especially so I could stay home full time to raise our kids. One thing my husband is NOT is lazy. He always works hard in everything he does and does a thorough job of it. I'm grateful for that. To be honest, some days I do wish I had a career and worked outside the home but today I was just grateful to be exactly where I was at with my two boys. Right after I texted him he called me. He calls me every morning when he gets off with a bright, vibrant, "Hey baby!" or "Good morning Beautiful!" He told me he was on his way home and to send Safi boy outside to the front when he pulled up so he could take him to get donuts (since yesterday Safi boy asked him to take him to get a donut "at the store with a circle on it") Safi boy had just woken up so I told him to get his silipa on because daddy was coming to pick him up. Saf pulled up not long after that and I sent Safi boy out the front door and watched him run to his daddy at the car. It was cute seeing how excited he was to go. They drove off and I sat on the couch feeling grateful that my kids have such a great, loving father. When they got home they enjoyed their donuts on the kitchen table. Of course Saf got my favorite donut, custard-filled, and was trying to convince me to eat it (even after I told him no because I was trying to eat healthy). I indulged myself with a bite...or two. After donuts, Saf went and took a shower and then after came and layed down with Safiboy and I in bed. He told me about work the night before, we laughed at stupid things, and he held me. I always love when he comes home from work at just holds me and kisses my cheek. I feel safe...happy...loved. Niko woke up from his first nap so I brought him in our room to say hi to his daddy. 

Saf then knocked out for the day and Safi boy and I left him in peace. I grabbed some construction paper and Safi boy and I made some jack-o-lanterns while listening to the Disney channel on pandora. He was more into listening to the different Disney songs and figuring out what movie each of them were from than doing crafts. Niko sat in his high chair next to us and watched while he ate strawberries. After we made our jack-o-lanterns we taped them to the family room wall. Before I knew it it was already time for Niko to go down for his second nap so I took him to his crib. For some reason today I was just extra, extra tired (this baby inside me sure is making my body work). I sat on the couch and caught up on some of my shows while Safi boy played on his iPad. Of course I knocked out and caught some sleep while Niko was napping. Sleep feels so goooood these days! When I woke up Saf was up and hungry. We had no food so saimini it was. Yeah, the struggle is real right now. After we ate we walked the kids to the park and Saf watched them while I got a quick workout in over in the soccer field. After I was done with my workout I walked back to my boys and Niko cried for me to carry him. Right now I think it's cute he's such a mama's boy. 

We walked back home and had saimini again for dinner. Saf and I laughed about having this twice in one day. It's been a while since we've had to resort to saimini. We didn't have much but we somehow managed and were still happy. After dinner I put the boys in the bath together. I tried taking a cute, photogenic picture of them but Safiboy wasn't having it. It made me happy seeing them playing together. Niko loves the water. It's one of his newest favorite discoveries so I sat next to the tub and let them both play for about 30 minutes. I took them out and got them both ready for bed. They both knocked out early tonight. It was great! I got a little extra me time. It was finally time for Saf to get back to work again. He was in the room catching a few more hours of sleep when I had to wake him up. He layed on the bed tired while I put on his work socks, like I always do every night. I don't even know how that one got started?? He got dressed and kissed me goodbye at the front door while he walked out.  I love that man. Since the boys were asleep I finished painting a large picture frame. I then checked on Niko like I always do and am now finally calling it a night.

I really don't know what it was about today. I just had such a great feeling of calmness and gratitude while living in the moment. I didn't worry about the things I had to get done or what's going to happen tomorrow, next month, or next year. I simply enjoyed every moment and enjoyed all the simple things life has tooffer. Right now we really don't have a lot, but we are really, truly happy.

5 years down and an eternity to go

Two weeks ago we celebrate our 5 year anniversary. The week of our anni my brother hooked us up with a beach front hotel down in Huntington Beach. It was a nice little getaway not too far from home. Anyways 2 kids, one miscarriage, one on the way, 1 move, a job promotion, lots of school, many trials and many more happy times later...I've realized how much we've grown as individuals and as a couple. Things aren't always perfecet...we're not perfect but since being married we've helped each other grow and improve for the better. We are "better" because we have each other and as long as we keep "becoming better" together that's all that matters. Not that we're pros at this marriage thing but it take more than an upgraded wedding ring to keep things going strong. Here's a couple pieces of advice that have worked for us:

-stay close to Heavenly Father and the gospel as individuals and you will stay closer as a couple

-forgive and forget (as in don't ever bring it up again)

-love your in laws like your own family

-let the other feel they can be vulnerable with you with out being criticized

-know your spouses "love language" and SPEAK IT! (I know I've mentioned this before on my blog but we swear by it because it works wonders!)

-ENDORSE what you love about the other instead of BASHING what you hate

-do things that keep you falling in love over and over again (we might not be perfect but our marriage is anything but boring)

I'm grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for who I am and who I am becoming because of his love and support. I will always be eternally grateful for the day that I was sealed to him for time and all eternity. I can't wait to see where the rest of life takes us....because the BEST IS YET TO COME. 

(The morning of I surprised Saf and did a mini paint job on the car before we started our day)

Stay at home life

...where we graze on fishy crackers all day, lay in bed, and flip around from show to show on Netflix. Ok so not every day is as glamorous as this (joking) but we've been having a lot of these lately. 

Número tres

                                     

Yes, [ número tres ] is already on its way and my baby is already about to be a big brother! This was totally unplanned and a bit of a surprise. Honestly, I wasn't too excited when I first found out. I cried. I felt overwhelmed because...well, I feel like I just had a baby. But reality has slowly set in and after looking at the bigger picture, I am excited! It will be fun watching this little one and Niko grow up together so close in age (they'll be just over a year apart). Of course my husband was excited from the moment we found out. If he had it his way all our kids would be 10 months apart. I guess I have always wanted our kids close in age anyways and I might as when knock them all out while I'm still young. I'm 7 weeks down and tentative due date is April 9, 2014. Big things ahead for our little family...

Daring Greatly

i somehow came across this TED talk given by Brene Brown, a therapist, and it [ changed my life! ]. (watch -HERE- if you're interested in knowing what i'm talking about.)

basically she talks about [ vulnerability ] and [ shame ] and how vulnerability is not weakness, but actually the most accurate measurement of our courage. she shared this quote by Theodore Roosevelt,

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

 This quote has definitely gone down in my books as one of my faves!

After hearing this talk I had to step back and examine the things in my life that I’m afraid to try, do, or say for fear of being vulnerable to the critics of others, or even myself. To be honest, even this silly blog is something I feel vulnerable about! I just like to write because it's therapeutic to me. No one really even knows i have it and it makes me cringe if i knew that everyone read it because I can be so sensitive of what others might think of my thoughts, ideas, or story. 

I realized that certain dreams and goals I have for myself have been held back for fear of failing.

I am so scared of failing! I can sit there and tell myself endless reason of ‘why it won’t work’ instead of all the reasons ‘why it will’. I will continually doubt myself, belittle my ambitions, and give into my fears because it feels so much safer and comfortable if I do. But I finally realized I'm doing no one, including myself, any favors by [ playing small ]. What's living if I don't even try? There is no personal growth or accomplishment in my safety zone. And if I do try and FAIL (maybe even miserably) what's the shame in that because at least I put myself out there and tried, right?

Speaking of shame, I also had to address the issues of why I feel shame. Shame is an epidemic in our culture! We all have felt or are feeling some type of shame for whatever reason. For women, it really is, “a web of unattainable conflicting expectations of who we should be.” It was a personal epiphany to realize that some of my deepest pains were rooted from shame. I am now slowly but surely starting to unpack all the shame in my life and it feels pretty. Damn. Good! Life is so much easier and lighter when we choose not to carry the burden of shame. I feel free! Free of what others have done to me, free of past poor decisions, free of what others have said or think of me, and free of unattainable expectations. Even certain relationships with others in my life that have been hindered because of shame have already begun to flourish as I have let go of it! I REFUSE TO ALLOW SHAME TO RULE MY LIFE! 

Allowing my myself to be vulnerable and changing my personal definition of it to something that I know I will grow and strengthen from has become a daily practice in my life. I am still not perfect at it but am slowly seeing the fruits of my personal vulnerability as I have started to put myself out there and really DO the things that I fear. Life really is beautiful and while I am here I choose to live a full, vibrant life while daring greatly!

new goal for a happier me

it seems now that i have started to changed the way i think i have all these new things happening in my life. but new things often mean change and change is good.

my new resolve within myself is if i ever become hurt, offended, annoyed, or angry towards someone i will either confront that person who i am holding negative feelings towards about the issue (instead of "venting" to sally, mary, or john because in reality none of them will ever be able to fix the problem with susie). Or if I do not wish to confront them about whatever it may be to try and fix the situation, then I must simply [ forgive them ]. 

It's as simple as that. No more holding grudges over here, honey!

my new secret

recently, i've been on this 'personal awakening' of the power of positive thinking and visualization. i started a new personal tradition with myself of [ daily affirmations ].

i never noticed how negative of a person I was until i really made a conscious effort to listen and be aware of my every thought through out my day. i realized that if i dwelt on one bad thought during my day there was a snowball effect of infinite more negative thoughts and then before i knew it i was singing in my head,
"it's just one of those days....that a girl goes through...when i'm angry inside...i juuuust wanna be all alone..."
Negative thoughts can be so self-sabotaging! i now firmly believe that thoughts are self-fulfilling. it finally hit me that if thoughts are self-fulfilling why not use that same energy towards positive thinking instead?

In my notes on my phone i wrote down a list of positive affirmations. Some of the affirmations i wrote down are things i want to become while others are affirmations to counteract certain false beliefs i've held within myself.

As i monitored my own thoughts through out my day i noticed i had certain reoccurring negative thoughts. i took those same reoccurring negative thoughts and turned them into positive affirmations.

basically how this works is i write down the affirmations that i want to become a reality. 
every night right before i go to sleep -I READ THEM.
every morning before i get out of bed -I READ THEM.
right before i know i am about to do something out of my comfort zone -I READ THEM.
if my day is starting to go south -I READ THEM.
if i want to feel great and inspired -I READ THEM.


but it's more than just reading each affirmation. each one i read i focus and try to feel that affirmation as if it is already true. basically, [ i fake it until i make it ]. i tell myself I AM whatever the affirmation is until that affirmation is a reality. i know this sounds like a bunch of hippie or vudu ish but it works! my entire out look on life has changed and amazing things are happening in my life that never could have happened before because my negative thoughts and beliefs stood in the way. i am breaking down those barriers and building something great!

if you don't believe me try it.
i dare you!